Let me roll my eyes to start this off. There. Done. Do you remember that stupid book that all the women went crazy over: He’s Just Not That Into You? (I’m generous in calling it a book. Just like it would be generous to call 50 Shades of Meh a book.) There was no reason to write this book because we knew.
We knew that you weren’t that into us. Yet we needed a book to confirm our suspicions in the same way you sometimes have to read an article with a headline screaming Smoking Is Bad for You. Actually, to be honest, we know a lot of things you don’t think we know. Here are 12 things we know:
Our ass really does look good in those jeans. We ask because we want you to notice how good it looks. It’s not insecurity – it’s vanity.
You want to sleep with the woman whose name seems to come up a lot.
You check out other women. In the restaurant. Cutting your steak, staring at your steak. Your ass & boobs-detecting antennae is on the whole time. We know.
You fantasize about all kinds of women. Maybe all the women. Even the grumpy convenient store lady.
You don’t know why you fantasize about the grumpy convenient store lady. You feel guilty and weird about it. We know.
You daydream about your high school crush. Sometimes you make love to her in your mind, in bed with us.
You hate going to our friend’s wedding with us.
Visiting our family is as appealing as crocheting sweaters for our little dog. (But sometimes you like our dad more than you like us.)
You dislike our little dog. And his sweaters.
You are jealous especially when you say you’re not. Especially when you can’t seem to remember our male friend’s name.
We can tell that you’re probably not going to call us.
We can also tell you’re going to break up with us.
DID JOWITA MISS ANY THINGS WOMEN ALWAYS KNOW? TELL US IN THE COMMENTS BELOW
Image courtesy of x-ray delta one.