No, you really don’t want to know what gets said when your lady grabs a coffee or goes on a girls’ night out with her female friends. Still, you know that there is plenty of chatter, and a lot of it will involve at least your personal life and sometimes your professional life. Here, an insider’s overview of what is likely to be disclosed in these types of situations, to what level of detail, and why.
Got a bad temper? You’re actually in the clear. A lady will tend to keep that from her friends because she knows it reflects badly on you and, as a result, her also (basically: her friends will judge her for sticking it out with a guy who is a stick in the mud). That said, you’re not off the anger-management hook that easily, because if you’re the kind of guy who disappears after a fight under the auspices of “needing space,” your silence/refusal to talk will drive her crazy, and she will end up leaning on her friends. At that point, a man who ignores a woman after a fight gets dismissed, and dissed, as a baby, as if he is throwing a tantrum and trying to gain a sense of control. Your best course of action: Give her the reassurance she needs in order to know that everything is OK (well, OK enough); then get out of there and get your space. Stonewalling her will create more drama than relief, all-but sending her to her friends for insight.
Her friends know if you’re generous or cheap; if you split the bill when you started dating; if you wine and dine her or leave her high and dry; if you’re a good tipper; if you reach for the bill without question. The kneejerk association is that a person who is cheap with money tends to be cheap in other areas (yes: her concern is that you are emotionally cheap). You don’t need to drown her in jewels, but you should be aware that she wants to talk about finances. As well, because money is a tough issue in many relationships, it’s even likelier she’ll vent to her friends about this topic. Save yourself the embarrassment and start tipping an automatic minimum 15%.
If your connection behind closed doors is as epic as it should be, she’s telling her friends just how good you are in bed, and possibly certain things that you do. If your sex life isn’t up to par, she is keeping mum (similar to the arguments), so rest assured the “secret” is safe. Women like to feel desired, so she’ll refrains from sharing the bedroom negatives (right down to size, shape and speed) because she won’t want her friends to judge or pity her. Her rationale: What they don’t know can’t hurt her, but could it ever bruise her ego if they did know.
Image courtesy of goldsardine.